Empty Addictions
by Andriia
Summary: Everyone has his own secrets to live with. They effect some of us more and some of us less. But what if Nick can't handle a relationship with Jeff because his darkest past isn't ready to be revealed yet? Badboy!Jeff
1. Chapter 1

This is my new story :) I don't know how long it will be yet but I know exactly how it will end! I hope you enjoy it and tell me if you like it! There's some smut in there and it's the first time I ever write smut so please be nice with me :D And I am sorry for grammar mistakes or messed up tenses. I don't have a beta reader so I try to do this as good as possible! I hope for some reviews/ critics of you, because critics always help to improve :)

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><p><strong>Empty Addictions<strong>

**Summary**: Nick's not sure of his sexuality at all, so when he starts dating Jeff, well known as the bad boy of Dalton, things get quite uncomfortable for him.

**Genre**: Angst/ Smut/ Fluff/ Romance/ Friendship

Warning: This story includes mentions of self-harming, thoughts about suicide and sexual things. If you feel offended by this stuff then you probably shouldn't read this.

I **do not own** Glee or any of the mentioned persons in this story!

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><p>Nick sighed silently as his head lay on Jeff's chest and he heard his heart beat and felt his chest rise as the blonde boy breathed.<p>

He couldn't believe that he was cuddled into another boy. While Jeff's heart beat slow and steadily, Nick's own heart was racing. He has transferred to Dalton only three months ago and now he was dating one of the hottest guys of the school for two weeks already.

And it came even better: The hottest guy was his roommate. Nick couldn't be happier.

He was a very shy guy whose sexuality made him even more insecure since he had been bullied at his old school really bad.

When he first saw his new roommate he was even more terrified- if that was even possible.

Jeffery Sterling- but if you called him by his real name he would get mad. So everyone called him Jeff, even his teachers.  
>Tall, tan and blond hair, that were his trademarks and don't forget those eyes. Nick couldn't decide if they were green or brown but he loved the color anyways. The only thing Nick didn't really like about Jeff's face was his eyebrow piercing.<p>

The moment he first entered his room and saw Jeff, he _knew _that whether it would be good to have him as his roommate or he would be his living nightmare.  
>For Nick's relief they both went along very well, even if they were like day and night. While Nick tried to stay out of trouble, Jeff loved the risk. He was confident, always said what was on his mind and was known in the whole school. Some of the students loved him and some of them hated him.<p>

And there was the thing that… how can you explain this best? Jeff was bi; he liked both girls and boys… And he was a slut.

He slept with so many people that Nick stopped counting after only two weeks. It was an issue for Nick when they both started dating. He hasn't been kissed and was dating one of the school sluts?

It sounded like one of those bad movies.  
>Nick always tried to get out of Jeff's way when the blond started to show interest in him. He tried to stay out of their shared room as often as possible and even stayed overnight at some other Warblers room.<p>

It took the Warblers to lock both of them into the practice room, until Nick talked to Jeff again. It was then when they both started dating and Jeff promised Nick that he would not have any sexual contact with other guys and neither push Nick too far, if the smaller boy got uncomfortable. The last promise Jeff didn't really keep.

Now Nick was cuddled into Jeff, eyes closed as his cheek rested on Jeff's naked chest. He enjoyed the body heat.

"You are so soft and cuddly; I want to lock you into a cage so you'll never run away!"  
>He heard Jeff moan and blushed, acting like he didn't hear it.<p>

"Are you going to be in the cage too?" Jeff asked. Nick turned so he could see him and noticed how Jeff licked his lips.

"Yes, if you want to! We can cuddle in there!" He looked at Jeff with his big eyes and smiled shyly.

"I know a thousand better things to do in that cage!" Jeff moaned even louder and Nick blushed even more. He turned his head away to hide his face.  
>"If you don't behave, I won't cuddle you anymore!" Nick tried to joke. Jeff always added something pervert into their conversations to make him feel uncomfortable and Nick hated it.<p>

Jeff replied calmly: "Still a thousand better things to do in that cage."

That's when Nick had enough of it and sat up straight in bed. He shot Jeff an angry look:" If you don't behave you are going to be alone in the cage and I'll just watch you from outside!"

Jeff's eyes widened and he smirked: "Whoa dirty Nicky, I didn't know you like voyeurism! Not that I complain, I am in if you want to!"

Nick's eyes got huge and his head turned red again. He jumped of Jeff's bed and before Jeff could even react, he slammed the bathroom door shut behind him and locked it.

Nick washed his face and brushed his teeth. He hated it when Jeff did this to him, when he made him feel uncomfortable and didn't stop.

And Nick hated himself for not standing up against his friend, for not telling him to shut the fuck up! But he was too scared. Too much has happened to him in the past. He was a coward, afraid of speaking what was on his mind. He won't even think about how Jeff could react when he would stand up against him and make him angry.

Nick sighed and sat on the floor. Something cold was in his hand, a thing he used way too often. The familiar feeling of the cold thing in his hand made him shiver and calm down at the same time. A tear ran down his cheek.

What did Jeff think about him? That he was a coward, not able to have fun?  
>He took a deep breath at the familiar pain of the razorblade cutting into his wrist- through his skin- and the warm blood running down his wrist. He felt relieved. It was the only way for him to escape from his fears.<p>

Jeff stopped the movie and looked at the spot where Nick disappeared into the bathroom. He sighed and let his head fall back down in the pillow. Why was he doing this again? Oh right, because Nick was kinda cute. The innocents this boy had turned Jeff on but at the same time he's never been this sexually frustrated.

It was two weeks now that he didn't have sex or other sexual activities with someone else. All he had was his hand and it made him go insane.

Was it worth it?  
>Jeff didn't know. He never even made out with Nick before. They never kissed- <em>never<em>!

How long would it take to get in Nick's pants after all? Nick was prude; there was no way to deny that!

But when Jeff thought about taking Nick's sweet innocents away, being the first one to have sex with him, stealing his virginity, he knew it was worth it.

Jeff regretted his thoughts the moment he felt his little friend getting hard. A quiet moan escaped his lips and he looked at the bathroom door.

'_Nick always needs ages in the bathroom', _Jeff thought to himself, his hand going down to his hard member.

Quickly he pulled his trousers and boxers down.

He let out another moan as he started stroking his cock, hurrying so Nick wouldn't catch him.

His breath got faster as he felt the familiar feeling that made his stomach clench. He started to shiver, speeding up a little more.

He was so close, the feeling of being thrown over the edge only a few strokes away.

He didn't even realize that the door opened, until he saw Nick standing in the doorframe.

A loud gasp escaped the smaller boy's mouth as he caught his friend. His face turned into the brightest red color you could ever imagine. Nick wanted to move or look away, but his eyes were stuck on Jeff.

Jeff couldn't hold back anymore. As he saw Nick's shocked face, it turned him on even more. He knew it was wrong and he should have stopped, but he didn't care.

He locked his eyes with Nick's and a loud moan escaped his lips 's when he came. He moaned Nick's name, his body shivering, enjoying the feeling of pure sticky liquid covering his stomach and his body went limp as he lay in his bed, panting.

"You know I was joking about this voyeurism thing, right?" Jeff asked as he cleaned himself of, a smirk on his face. Nick stood at the door, his face turned form a hot red to a pale color which didn't look healthy. His hands were formed to fists and he was shaking. He took a deep breath before moving again. Jeff came, looking in his _face _and moaning his _name_! Nick was sure that he'd never be able to forget the look on his face, the moans and gasps. His heart was beating fast. He was afraid that his knees would give in as he went to his bed, because he was shaking so much. He cuddled into his blanket.

For some reason he felt dirty now, he wanted to take a shower.

Nick turned to the wall; his back was turned to Jeff. He heard his roommate move, switching the lights off.

"Nick?" Jeff asked into the silence of the room. At first he didn't care at all about the fact that Nick saw him like this, but now that his friend didn't talk at all and seemed kind of fragile, Jeff felt sorry. He should have stopped when Nick entered the room, he should have stopped talking to him like this earlier. He knew that Nick was sensitive about this topic, felt uncomfortable when he was confronted with sexual things.

'_I am such an idiot!', _he thought to himself and stared at Nick's silhouette he could make out in the dark.

"Nick, you want to come over and cuddle?" He offered, trying to sound as sweet as possible. They never cuddled before while going to sleep. Usually Jeff didn't even like cuddling. "Because I am soft and cuddly, you remember?"

There was no answer but Jeff knew that Nick was still awake. He sometimes heard his friend- was he sobbing?

When he realized that Nick really was sobbing, he felt something he never felt before. It felt like a pain in his chest, as someone was squeezing his heart. He didn't know what it was. All he knew was that he felt for Nick like he never felt for anyone before.

Jeff sighed. "Good night, Nicky!" He said before he closed his eyes and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow guys, thank you so much for all the comments and story alerts :) You are amazing! To show how thankful I am, here's the second chapter!

And you should keep an eye at my tumblr page: andria-winter There are going to be a bunch of **Niff drabblers** **along this story**, about Jeff's and Nick's past and what happened before you guys joined in or what may happened during the story, you've guys been missing! First one will be up by tomorrow! ;)

Enjoy :)

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><p>When Jeff woke up the next morning he found Nick's bed already empty. He listened if he heard his roommate in the bathroom but after a few minutes of silence he realized that Nick was already gone. He must have sneaked out of the dorm before.<p>

Jeff sighed, dressing himself and going to the dining hall for breakfast. Mornings were the quietest parts of the day at Dalton, when hundreds of boys still weren't able to keep their eyes open. The guys only whispered with each other while drinking coffee or eating pancakes.

It was so peaceful that you sometimes couldn't believe that you were really at Dalton, the school that's full of over energetic young boys and a glee club that loved performing on furniture more than anything else.

Yes, mornings in Dalton were really the most relaxing thing you could ever experience at this school. People preferred sitting with people they didn't really talk to over sitting with their friends just to avoid morning conversations.

Jeff looked around, scanning the room for Nick but he couldn't find him anywhere. Instead Wes gave him a half-hearted wave, before turning to the newspaper on his table.

It was weird, not seeing Nick at breakfast. Even if Jeff only knew him for a few months, he knew that if there was food, there had to be Nick. At least he always thought he knew. It seemed like he was wrong.

Midmornings were weird today. Jeff had three classes with Nick and every time it was the same schema:

Jeff would come into the class and go to their desk. Nick would appear seconds before the lesson starts, wouldn't talk to him and wouldn't look at him at all. He would be busy writing stuff into his notebook and blocking Jeff's view on it.

As soon as the bell would ring, Nick would jump up and run out of class. Then he would disappear in the hallways of Dalton. Jeff tried to search for him without success.

Jeff went to his French class- knowing that Nick would show up late again- when a voice called after him.

"Hey sex-buddy!" Sebastian teased and flashed a smile as Jeff shot him an evil glance. Some people smirked at the two boys while others looked at them in disgust. Although Dalton had a no bullying- policy, some boys just didn't want to know about the sex life of others. "I am just kidding man. No sex while you date Nick, I got it!"  
>"Yeah but you needed five times until you realized it!" Jeff frowned, remembering how Sebastian tried to seduce him and how hard it was to say no… and the time he spent in the shower afterwards, masturbating and thinking about how Nick would seduce him. Yes, since a few weeks he only thought about Nick when he was masturbating. He even thought about Nick while he had sex with others before they started dating. It was really weird.<p>

Jeff shook Sebastian off as he got to French class, shooting their young French teacher a smirk. She blushed just like she always did when Jeff entered the room. It was only one month ago that they two had passionate sex on her teachers desk during lunch break.

He remembered slipping his hand under her skirt, kissing down her neck, sucking at the soft skin, leaving marks. She had to cover her bruises for nearly one week.

Jeff shook the thought out of his head. It was the first time he never told anyone about his new fuck. He wouldn't tell and the teacher promised him to let him do whatever he wanted to do during class and to give him the answers for tests one week before they wrote them. She knew she was screwed if she didn't follow his rules. Jeff used this secret to his advantage.

Nick entered the room last and again left the room as first. He stormed out as Jeff watched him.

_Now he can't run anymore. It is lunch break; he has to confront me at the dining hall._

Jeff didn't know how wrong he was again this day, seeing his fellow Warblers on their usual table. Only two seats were empty. One of them was Jeff's and the other one was Nick's. Now he didn't even show up to lunch anymore? Jeff rolled his eyes. Now the kid was overreacting.

"Where's your lover boy?" Trent yelled to Jeff over the table as the blond Warbler took a seat with his plate full of rice and meat.

He shrugged his shoulders.

Thad looked up from his food. "Yeah Jeff, where is he? You've been stuck together since he transferred. The only time you were separated except during you dating and fucking other people was when he was scared of you showing interest in him. Is he sick? Or should we lock you both into the practice room again?"

Some of the boys started laughing at the thought and Jeff smirked. "No thanks. Nick's just not feeling good today!" He stated.

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><p>"Coward! Stupid coward!" Nick yelled at himself, hitting his arm against the edge of his desk. There would be bruises for at least a week, but he didn't care. He knew he could cover them easily under his sleeves. He was glad he transferred to Dalton during winter, so he didn't have to make up a story about wearing sleeves on the hottest days of the year and nobody thought of him as 'weird'.<p>

His arm hurt badly as he hit it against the desk again, gritting his teeth and trying not to yell in pain. At first he planned on taking the razorblade but he didn't want to clean up the bloody mess afterwards. So hitting his arm against the desk was the best thing that came to his mind.

He woke up early today and sneaked out of the dorm to avoid Jeff. He had just a brief breakfast and since then he hid on the different toilets of the school. It was the only place where nobody would find him, especially not Jeff.

He was so embarrassed. What if Jeff told everyone about what had happened yesterday? Nick knew that Jeff had no problem talking about his sexual activities. The whole school would laugh about him for being so freaked out about such a situation.

Tears prickled in his eyes as he heard a soft knock on the door.

Nick quickly pulled the sleeve down his arm, his voice cracked as he said: "Yes?"

The first thing he saw was the bright blond hair, followed by Jeff's face, as the boy came in.

"There you are, Nicky!" He said, sounding relieved. Jeff closed the door behind him, laying his bag on the ground and eyed Nick. "Have you been crying?"

Within seconds he was next to Nick, looking at his puffy red eyes. "You have been crying!"

Nick buried his head in shame. He didn't expect anyone to come up to his room. He thought no one would care to look after him so he could let his emotions out.

Nick shot his eyes close, waiting for Jeff to laugh at him. Hell, Nick was a guy, he wasn't supposed to cry!

But instead he felt himself being pulled into a hug, two strong arms holding him close. A shaky breath escaped from him.

"What are you doing, Jeff?"

He felt Jeff's hand stroking his back, comforting him as good as possible.

"I am sorry." Jeff mumbled into Nick's ear. "If I knew how sensitive you reacted to this, I would've stopped!"

He slowly let go of Nick again just to be able to look into his eyes. It hurt him to see the look in them, so scared and overcharged.

"You know, it's just so weird for me to actually care about someone the way I care about you. I guess I need to learn to not cross the line. I don't want to hurt you and I for sure don't want to pressure you into doing something you aren't ready for yet."

He placed a gentle kiss on Nick's forehead, making the smaller boy close his eyes and shiver.

"Sorry for freaking out!" Nick mumbled, wondering about Jeff's words. He never heard his friend talk like this but he didn't want to question Jeff's sudden realization.

"So you want to join me? We have 20 minutes left of lunch break and I think you could need something to eat!"

Nick nodded in agreement and both boys got up and when they left their dorm Jeff grabbed Nick's hand, interweaving their fingers with each other.

"We'll do it your way!" Jeff said again, flashing Nick a smile which made Nick's heart skip a beat.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi guys :) You mind if I leave you another chapter? (: Thank you so much for the comments, story alerts and favoriting the story! It means the world to me!

I am sorry if this chapter contains some grammar mistakes or messed up tenses. It's after midnight and I just couldn't stop writing! And because I know I don't have time the next days to re-read my stories I thought I could just post it now as well! Sorry for the whole drama in it, it gets better I promise :D

Also here's the link for the first drabble I wrote for this fanfiction: http:/andria-winter(/ )./post/16238620578/it-s-a-drabbler-for-my-niff-fanfiction-empty (just delete the (/ ) standing before .tumblr!)

I hope you enjoy this chapter and would be thankful for reviews. Tell me what you think :)

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><p>Chapter 3:<p>

It was an accident, as Nick suddenly found himself starring at Thad and Jeff. He was just about to go around the corner, when his eyes caught his two friends. It was half an hour after Warblers practice and Nick just left the room after talking to Wes about auditioning for a solo and the rules he had to concider.

Thad and Jeff were standing on the hallway, Jeff leaned against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest and the back of his head rested against the wall. Nick had planned on joining them, saying 'Hi' when he heard snippets of their conversation and remained frozen behind the corner.

"_I've been acting like the best boyfriend you can ever have. I did everything I could possibly do for him. But as soon as I try to touch him or to simply kiss him, he shuts me out."_

He usually wasn't the kind of guy to spy on others, but he couldn't force his legs to move anymore.

"It's just so hard, Thad! You have no idea! Sure Sebastian stopped trying to get me to have sex with him but that doesn't mean that I can survive without it! It doesn't mean that he shoots me these dirty smirks. Nick and I are dating for a month now, _a month_. We didn't even kiss yet! How should I ever survive this? I feel like I am going to explode any second!" Jeff sounded furious, running one hand through his blond hair.

"You know Nick needs time. We all know in which conditions he's in. No one knows what happened to him at his old school. The only thing we are aware of is that he'd been bullied and he needs time- time to trust and time to realize that it is finally over. And he never had a boyfriend before."

Jeff sighed at Thad's words, as the other boy continued: "I remember when you first arrived at Dalton. Weren't you the one shutting us all out? You've had confidence-always been the guy that spoke what was on his mind - but still you tried to hide from us, afraid of us turning on you and bullying you as well for being so outspoken. It was Dalton that finally turned you into who you are now. Don't forget about that, Jeff. How many times have we tried to talk to you and you acted like a total bitch- like you were better than us- just because you were scared?" Nick's eyes widened in surprise as he listened to the words and watched the two boys. He knew that Jeff had also been bullied, but he'd never known that Jeff had acted like this, pushing people away.

Thad would've gone on and on with his speech, if Jeff wouldn't have shut him down: "I get it Thad, trust me!" He rolled his eyes. "It's just that I don't know how long I can go on like this, how long I can hold myself back and not jump at Sebastian when he gives me this dirty smirks. I just…"

That's when Nick finally figured out how to move again and started running down the hallway. He'd heard enough. He made Jeff suffer and Jeff didn't know how long he could do this anymore. He would end it for sure. He would end what they both had, whatever weird relationship that was. And then they would go back to 'being friends'. Nick didn't know if he was ready for this, for being dumped. He didn't know what he really felt for Jeff, but it was more than he ever felt for anyone else. How could he ever act normal around Jeff would end all of this because he needed the pleasure of sex?

He sighed, stopping somewhere near his dorm, not sure of what to do now. So he just stood there for what felt like an hour, even if it was probably just for a few minutes. His brain worked so fast that he wasn't able to catch his own thoughts.

Before he even realized what his thoughts were all about, he found himself running to a dorm he never went to before.

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><p>Tears stung in his eyes as the realization of what he was about to do slowly seeped in. But he had no other choice. He couldn't give to Jeff what his friend wanted from him.<p>

There he was now, standing in front of a dark wooden door and knocking against it like his life depended on it, when a confused Sebastian opened.  
>"Nick?"<p>

It wasn't like Nick didn't like Sebastian. It was just Sebastian's attitude he didn't like at all. Of course he and Jeff were similar to each other, but Jeff stopped trying to get into your pants if you told him so- Sebastian didn't.

Sebastian opened the door a little more and offered Nick to come in.

"How can I help you?" He smirked, just like he always did.

"I need you to do something for me!" Nick whispered. He knew if he would speak louder, he'd start to cry and that was one of the last things he wanted to do in front of Sebastian.

The other guy crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against a desk. His eyebrow went up in curiosity. "Go ahead Nick."

Nick took a deep breath. "First of all, I need you to promise me something. I can't believe I actually turned to you." Nick laughed sarcastic. "Promise me Sebastian- and please be serious about this- that you'll never tell a soul about this conversation! Never!"

"What about my dog?" As Nick growled at him, Sebastian shrugged. "Okay then, I promise to not tell anyone about this. Now tell me Nicky, how do I get the honor to help you?"

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><p>Jeff lay on his bed, looking up on the ceiling and thinking about nothing in particular. It's been an exhausting day and Warblers practice took the rest of his energy. He was wondering where Nick was. The boy had told him that he wanted to talk to Wes about auditions for some solos but he had been away now for over an hour.<p>

_He probably went for coffee with Wes or something,_ Jeff thought to himself the same second the door to their shared room opened and Nick stepped in.

"We need to talk!"

He looked serious, taking the nearest chair to sit on and looking straight into Jeff's eyes. Jeff pushed himself into a sitting position, obviously confused. Before he could even say a word, Nick started talking again: "I thought about you and me Jeff and it was really nice, but I think we should go back to being friends again. I just don't feel this way about you. I am sorry. Dude, you aren't mad at me, right? We can still be friends, right?"

Nick stopped talking and looked at him. Jeff was so startled for a moment that he didn't reply at all, before slightly nodding.

That was… well, let's say it was unexpected!

"Did I do anything wrong that made you decide like this?"

Nick shook his head, eyes wide. "No of course not Jeff, you are great! It's just that I don't really need a relationship and you don't need one and dating is just complicated, thinking about the fact that we don't even want a relationship like this!"

Nick grinned at Jeff, who was still confused but slowly understood what Nick was saying. It was over… he could finally give in to his needs, finally have sex again.

Nick jumped up from the chair and went to his bed, writing a text message to someone. His tongue slightly stuck out on the left side of his mouth while he was concentrated on writing.

Jeff was free now. He could do whatever he wanted to do. If he wanted, he could run to every student he knew wouldn't mind giving him a blow job or having sex with him and ask for _it_.

He was so amazed by this fact that he completely forgot about Nick, his mind spinning around between the things he could do and with whom.

When Jeff's phone vibrated, he found a text from Sebastian:

_Mind coming over? I could really need some help with French…_

Jeff grinned to himself. Perfect timing. He felt his cock twitch and only two seconds later he found himself by the door of the room, turning around to Nick and licking his lips.

"Sebastian needs my help with French. I am going to be back soon, okay?" And before Nick could answer, he was out of the room, closing the door behind him and running down the hallway.

He ran, only one thought on his mind and left Nick behind.

He left Nick behind alone in their shared room, sitting on the bed, allowing the tears to come he fought back the whole time.

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><p>Nick sat on his bed, sobbing. Of course he knew the message was from Sebastian and of course he knew that the last thing they were going to do in his dorm was studying French. It was just Nick's instruction to Sebastian to give his friend what he needed so bad. But he never thought that Jeff would let go so easy, that he would believe that Nick didn't want this, whatever it was between them.<p>

Now Jeff was by another guy, enjoying his new found liberty and left Nick on his own, heart-broken. It seemed like he had to learn that he estimated Jeff wrong- in fact he was like every other boy, even if he acted sweet and patient the last couple of days. It was all about sex.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi guys :) I'll keep it short with the author note! Thank you so much for the comments again! Reading them really makes my day!_

_There is not much to add to the next chapter. Mentioning of self-harming and talking about sex. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters_

_I hope you guys enjoy it!_

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><p>Jeff lay on the bed, his breath unsteady and fast, his skin covered with a thin film of sweat. "That…"he gulped, taking another breath before continuing: "That was amazing." He felt his heart pounding against his chest like it was going to break through, his whole body still trembling at the sensation of the feeling.<p>

Sebastian, lying right next to him, chuckled while struggling to get his boxers on again. "I've nearly forgotten how good you are, Sterling!" he smirked. "We should do this more often, now that you are available again." He looked down at his bare chest, covered with angry red marks that would probably stay there for at least two days. "You are hot, when you are angry!" he sighed and trailed one finger along one of the red scratches.

"Sorry man, I didn't mean to hurt you like this!" Jeff grinned and also put on his boxers. Sebastian had to admit that he didn't mind. To be honest it was even hot how Jeff stormed into Sebastian's room, locked the door, grabbed him at his blazer and pushed him harshly against the wall, kissing him hard, grinding their hips against each others.

"We should have angry sex again- soon!" the brunet stated and got up from the bed, walking into the bathroom to fix his hair.

Jeff remained on Sebastian's bed, not planning to stand up or move anytime soon- it was way too comfortable to just lie there. With a smile on his face he had to admit that he was still thrilled about what had just happened. He had really liked being with Nick, but this was what he needed in his life, this was what he _wanted_.

"Hey Sebastian!" Jeff called as the other boy returned out of the bathroom again. "How about round two?"

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><p>Nick sat on his bed, feeling numb. He had cried for what felt like half an hour now and there were no tears left to cry. He had been waiting for Jeff to come back, to return to their room and tell him that he cared about this relationship they had, that he cared about them dating.<p>

But Jeff didn't return. Instead he ran off to Sebastian to finally get what he'd been craving for so long. Where they doing it right now, only a few dorms away?

Nick sobbed, but no tears were running down his cheeks. When he told Sebastian what he had planned on doing, the other boy agreed without any hesitation. It was easy to see the lust in his eyes, the excitement to get Jeff.

At least Jeff would be happy now, living life the way he always did. Nick stood up from the bed, making his way to the bathroom, locking the door from inside. He doubted that anybody would look after him and he didn't expect Jeff to come around soon, but he wanted to make sure to not be caught. He took the razorblade, which was always hidden underneath his hair shampoo.

The last time Nick didn't wash it efficient enough- some rusty red bloodstains still remained on the blade, revealing its actual use.

The blade was lying on his palm, glimmering and reflecting the light. It looked so seductive; it could help him to take all the pain away.

But Nick didn't want this anymore. He was sick of the need to hurt himself just to be able to handle his life. He wanted to be like everyone else- living life without caring too much, without the pain. The scars along his arms made him sick every time he had to look at them. Why couldn't he be just like every other guy?

Nick sighed and put the razorblade away, hid it under its usual spot. He wanted to quit self-harming since over a year now but he wasn't strong enough. Right now though, he felt like this was not the right thing to do. Only he was to blame for his own misery.

The boy left the bathroom in a hurry before he could change his mind and take the blade again. There had to be something that could help him deal with all of this, something different that didn't leave visual reminders.

Nick paced up and down his dorm thinking about what he could do now. Searching for other possibilities, thinking about what could help. He just wanted to sit down on his bed, when it hit him like a lightning. _Oliver_.

Oliver was a student at Dalton well known for his 'businesses'. He was the one who could proudly say that he was the first guy at the school, who stayed for over two years now while dealing with drugs and alcohol and hasn't been caught yet. He for sure would be the one being able to help Nick and if not… then Nick was screwed.

Nick made his way through the hallways because Oliver's room was on the other side of his wing. Oliver seemed like a strange guy. He liked being dressed all black and barely talked to anyone. Nick can't remember if he ever saw this guy smile but he doubted it. For some reason he had a room on his own and it stayed like this since he arrived at school.

Nick gulped before he knocked at the door and it opened itself slightly. He got a glimpse of the room before a pale face with dark brown eyes appeared right in front of him. For a second he felt the urge to back away but he forced himself to stay.

"Duval!" He cocked an eyebrow in surprise at his visitor. "I didn't expect to see you hear. How can I help you?" His eyes locked with Nick's as he waited for an answer. The other boy looked up and down the hallway, scared of being overheard. As he talked he lowered his voice just in case: "I need something from you."

Oliver nodded and opened the door a little bit more so Nick was able to get in. His room was only lightened by some candles, the closed curtains shutting out the sun. Some books were lying open all over the floor. Although the room was furnished like every other dorm in Dalton, the decoration and the flickering lights of the candles made Nick freak out. He noticed that Oliver leaned against a closet, hands crossed in front of his chest. He seemed to wait for Nick's wish.

"Do you have something… that can make me help forget things?" He didn't know how else he could describe what he needed right now. What the heck. If he thought about it, this was the worst idea he's ever had. Nick never did something illegal, he was way too boring. So why was he standing in a dealer's room and waiting for suggestions on which drugs to take?

"Drugs or alcohol?" Oliver asked and Nick shrugged. The thought never crossed his mind before. When he thought about it for only a few seconds though, alcohol seemed to be the better choice.

Oliver nodded. "I think I have exactly what you need." He suggested and opened his closet, digging through his clothes before finding a plastic bottle which contained half a liter of some strange looking liquid.

"What's that?" Nick asked unsure. The liquid was slightly green and sparkling balefully in the light of the candles.

"It's Absinth!" Oliver handed him the bottle. "You can get it for 80 dollars and doing my French homework for the next two months."

Nick's jaw dropped as he heard the conditions. "That stuff is expensive and it helps better than anything I've ever tried!" Oliver explained. "Now are you in or not?" It was obvious that he tried to get rid of Nick as soon as possible so the boy nodded vaguely.

When Nick got back to his room he eyed the liquid skeptical. "So Absinth, huh?" he asked, knowing to well that the bottle won't answer him. He and Oliver agreed that Nick would bring him the money in two days.

Gently Nick opened the bottle and smelled at the liquid. It smelled bitter and a lot like herbs. Oliver said it would make him forget, so it can't be that bad, right? Then he took another little brown glass bottle Oliver handed him as well. _Laudanum _he called that stuff. 4 drops of it per glass should be enough to forget everything. But he warned him as well. If Nick would drink too much of it, there could be some serious health risks. Nick opened the little bottle as well and took the attached pipette. He squeezed the pipette together to get some of the liquid of the small bottle in it and then moved it to a glass he prepared, squeezing again and watching carefully to only add 4 drops. Oliver also mentioned to put some brown sugar in there for a better taste but Nick didn't know where he should get it from. Then Nick added the Absinth. It was half a glass full. That was it. The finished liquid, solution to all his problems. Would it work out?

Nick sighed before he put the glass to his lips, taking the first mouthful of it.

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><p><em>"After the first glass you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world."—Oscar Wilde<em>

_Just so you get an idea of what will happen in the next chapter ;)_

_And a special thanks to my best friend July for telling me about Absinth and giving me all the informations about it for the next chapter! You prepared me well, I hope I can make you proud :D  
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	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thank you so much for the comments3 They mean the world to me :)  
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_As always sorry for gramma mistakes.. or any mistakes at all!  
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_This chapter is angsty... like really angsty. And I am not even sorry for it. I didn't plan it to be this angsty, but you know, stuff happens in life and writing angsty Niff helps me a lot to deal with it!  
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_And I don't own Glee or any of the characters._

_And warning: Mentioning of attempted rape._

Enjoy :]

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><p>Chapter 5:<p>

It was only Nick's second glass when he started to feel dizzy. It was like the room began to spin around without him even moving. But for some strange reason he really liked it. The brunet boy giggled and took another sip, while his hands started to shake slightly. He didn't know where Jeff came from, as he suddenly stood right in front of him. Nick didn't notice him entering the room. He just appeared out of nowhere.

"Jeffy!" Nick yelled and threw his arms in the air, forgetting about the glass in his hand and spilling half of the contents over his mattress. He didn't care about the slightly green stains on the white sheets at all, because Jeffy was here, his Jeffy. He was back from Sebastian.

"I missed you so much!" he giggled again. Jeff didn't move or say a word. He just stood in front of Nick, grinning at his best friend. He didn't even blink.

"Are you okay Jeffy?" Nick looked at him noticing how his silhouette seemed to fade. But he didn't get a response. The next thing he knew was that he felt lips against his own, warm and soft, moving slowly. He didn't even think about what happened. Instead he moaned into the kiss. Jeff's lips tasted amazing. Jeff's hand wandered to Nick's chest, gently pushing him on his back. The glass dropped onto the mattress and the remainings of the liquid leaked out and seeped into it.

"Jeff!" Nick murmured as Jeff crawled onto him, crashing his lips against Nick's own. At first he had been gentle, but now he kissed Nick hard, his tongue licking over Nick's lips, begging to let him into his mouth. He grabbed Nick's wrists and held them above his head, making him defenceless, rolling his hips against Nick's and moaning.

Nick shivered. This was not what he wanted, not at all. The room spun around and his head hurt. He tried to get free of Jeff's grip, but he was too weak.

"Let me go Jeff, please! That's too fast, I don't want this." he whimpered as Jeff kissed his way down Nick's jaw,sucking and biting at it, leaving angry red marks.

Nick closed his eyes and felt hot tears. As he opened them again he saw Sebastian standing right next to his bed and smirking.

"What are you waiting for?" Jeff asked. "Come join us, this is going to be fun." he said, grinding his hips against Nick's and the younger boy could clearly feel Jeff's boner.

He started sobbing, screaming for help. Nick coursed at himself. The alcohol made him even weaker than he usually was.

"Nick!" Someone grabbed him at the shoulder, shaking him hard. "Nick, can you hear me?"

He opened his eyes, starring straight into a pair of familiar brown ones.

"No, don't, please!" he yelled, backing away from the touch on his shoulder, away from the boy sitting next to him on the bed.

"What's wrong with you dude?" A hand grabbed his wrist as he wanted to escape, forcing him to stay. "Look at me Nick, come on. Have you taken drugs?"  
>He felt a hand lifting his chin, wiping away the tears from his cheeks. Nick shuddered. "Don't!"<p>

His eyes fluttered open again, observing the room. Sebastian wasn't here anymore. Was it already over? Did he pass out while it happened?

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><p>"What did you take?" Jeff asked worried. His best friend seemed so scared for no reason. He noticed the glass on the mattress. "Are you drunk? Listen Nicky, are you drunk? What is that stuff? Nicky, don't pass out! Do you hear me?" He started to shake his friend again, whose eyelids fluttered as he begged for mercy. "Nicky!" the blond frowned as Nick stopped talking and his eyes finally closed.<p>

He tried to lay Nick in the most comfortable position as possible and gently covered him with a blanket.

"Why did you do that Nicky?" he asked and wiped a strand of hair out of Nick's face. The younger boy looked so peaceful now, that he was asleep but Jeff could still hear his scared voice echoing in his head, begging him to 'please don't`. Jeff frowned again. What did he mean with that? What was it that he was so scared of? And what the hell was the thing he drank?  
>Jeff noticed the bottle filled with the green liquid on Nick's bedside table and took it. There was only one guy at school that could have given this to Nick. "Oliver!" Jeff growled, storming out of the room.<p>

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><p>"You did this to him!" There was a loud sound as Jeff slammed the door shut behind him and grabbed Oliver at his shirt. "What the fuck did you do to him?"<p>

Oliver looked at the blond slightly confused, before he started to grin. "So did Nick like the absinth?"

Jeff shoved him against the wall, causing the other boy to groan in pain.

"What is wrong with you, Sterling?" Oliver asked, pushing Jeff away. "It's not my fault that your little friend drank it. He asked for the stuff because he wanted 'to forget things'. You know what they say about absinth: _ After the first glass you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world."_

Jeff froze at Oliver's words. "He asked for something to forget things?"

"And I gave him the best stuff he could possibly get. It contains a substance that makes you hallucinate."

"But why would he want that?"

Oliver rolled his eyes. "He's not my lover, Sterling. You should ask that yourself! And now get out of my dorm, unless you want to have some stuff."

Jeff looked at Oliver for a second before leaving and going back to his and Nick's dorm.

Nick wanted to forget something. Jeff gulped. It wasn't him he wanted to forget, was it? Forget him being with Sebastian- no, why would Nick want to do that? He said himself he didn't want to be with Jeff and they should go back to being friends again.

And what did he see when he was hallucinating, that scared him so damn much?

Jeff shrugged when entering his dorm again, seeing Nick lying on his bed and sleeping like an angel. Jeff couldn't stop thinking about how peaceful he looked asleep. He undressed himself until he was only in boxers. It had been a long day and he was tired.

Just when he wanted to slip under his blanket, he turned around and looked at Nick again, a thought taking over his mind.

He went over to his friend's bed and shoved him gently to one side of it so he had enough space. "Good night Nicky, sleep tight!" he murmured, laying an arm around his friend's waist and drifting to sleep immediately.

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><p><em>AN at the end ;) So, lets talk about absinth first: The stuff that makes you hallucinate isn't in those drinks anymore. It was in former times, but let us just pretend it still is, yup? Thanks :D_

_I know the chapter is maybe a little bit irretating but it's planned like this. So what do you guys think was real out of all this Niff? ;)_

_I hope you liked that chapter and please leave reviews about your opinion on the story :)_

_**Edit:** I just re-read it. SO many mistakes, horrible. I am sorry. I tried to fix most of them. Hopefully there aren't many left! If there are some left, some really really horrible ones, feel free to tell me immediately :)  
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